TimesFour

The Slant (9) Weak 8 NFL Picks

by on Oct.24, 2008, under Game Previews, Opinion

Sorry I’m a little late with this weeks picks…stupid job and family got in the way. I’m pretty sure I can cut back on one of the two….just not sure which.

In a bold move, the NFL will now list the Detroit Lions weekly opponents among the Bye teams on their official schedule

Other Byes: Chicago, Denver, Green Bay, Minnesota

Oakland Raiders at Baltimore Ravens
Raiders 23 Ravens 21: Raider win the game on Sebastian Janikowski’s 58 yard field goal as time expires. Janikowski admits after the game that being Polish he has a huge advantage in kicking since that kick was only about 53 meters.

Arizona Cardinals at Carolina Panthers
Panthers 23 Cardinals 19: Cardinal QB Matt Leinhart steals starting

Week (Weak?) 8 in the NFL

Week (Weak?) 8 in the NFL

QB Kurt Warner’s uniform and plays the entire game as Warner. He would have gotten away with it too, but he panicked and admitted his ruse when he realized he would have to go home to Warner’s wife.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Dallas Cowboys
Buccaneers 24 Cowboys 21: After another loss distraught Cowboy owner Jerry Jones signs Michael Irvin, Moose Johnson and Troy Aikman to contracts. The Cowboys don’t get any better but many unemployed football analysts rejoice.

Washington Redskins at Detroit Lions
Redskins 30 Lions 14: Lion Owner William Clay Ford official changes the name of the team to the Detroit Edsels.

Cincinnati Bengals at Houston Texans (game originally scheduled for Nov. 9)
Texans 34 Bengals 12: Bengals lose their appeal with the NFL to move the game back to November 9th so that the Texans have to split their squad between two games. The NFL says, it wouldn’t really matter anyhow.

Buffalo Bills at Miami Dolphins
Bills 28 Dolphins 13: The Bills continue to be one of the hottest teams in football. They announce after the game that none of their players have changed their underwear since the season began. This explains the fact that opposing teams haven’t been using man to man coverage on Lee Evans.

St. Louis Rams at New England Patriots
Patriots 30 Rams 0:
The Patriots use time travel technology to transport the Rams back to their week 1 through 5 performances. When the Rams file a protest with the NFL, the Patriots use time travel technology to transport the protest to a date beyond the statute of limitations.

San Diego Chargers at New Orleans Saints (LONDON)
Chargers 1 Saints 0: Chargers score on a penalty kick after all but one player on each team is red carded and disqualified from the game. The NFL admits after the game they should have researched the whole European Football official thing a little better.

Kansas City Chiefs at N.Y. Jets
Chiefs 24 Jets 10: After the game Brett Favre admits that the reason he hasn’t really learned the Jets playbook is the 5 hours a day he spends calling the Green Bay Packer offices and asking them if their refrigerator is running or if they have Dr. Pepper in a bottle.

Atlanta Falcons at Philadelphia Eagles
Eagles 20 Falcons 13: The Eagles actually employ a blitz package that involves sending the kitchen sink. Not only does it really confuse the Falcons but it makes the post game clean up much easier.

Cleveland Browns at Jacksonville Jaguars
Jaguars 20 Browns 0: Brown simply have too tough of a time playing in the plastic bubbles the NFL requires them to wear until the whole staph infection thing is cleared up.

N.Y. Giants at Pittsburgh Steelers
Giants 27 Steelers 21: Giant QB Eli Manning plays the game without a helmet after noticing how silly the big red blotch his brother gets in the middle of his forehead looked last week.

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers
49ers 23 Seahawks 10: The entire Seahawk team admits after the game that they were “too scared of 49er coach Mike Singletary’s eyes” to play.

Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans
Titans 21 Colts 20: The Titans win the first NFL game in history in which one team never attempts a pass and the other never attempts a run.

Well, until next week, keep both feet on the ground and keep reaching for the brats.


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