TimesFour

Hey, at least I got them done before the games started…though I would probably get a few more right if I waited till after the games were done to make my picks.

(Byes: Carolina, New Orleans, San Diego, San Francisco): Which is a good thing, since Steve Smith is back and Shawne Merriman is hurt I usually can’t think of anything funny about any of these teams anyhow.

Bills 24 Jets 17: I bet Hillary Clinton is really torn when these two teams that the New York Senator grew up rooting for face each other.

Week #9 in the NFL

Bears 49 Lions 13: I bet John McCain, who grew up wishing that a professional football franchise would be started in each of these cities, is really torn when these two teams face off. Well, at least one of them has a professional franchise now.

Jaguars 24 Bengals 7: The Lions and Bengals are scheduled to face each other in the 2009 football season. Both teams have circled that game on their calendars.

Browns 24 Ravens 17: It’s only fitting that these two teams face each other a couple of days after Halloween. The Ravens are named after the Raven from the famous and scary poem by Edgar Allen Poe and Brown is the color of the stuff I found burning on my doorstep the other night.

Buccaneers 35 Chiefs 3: The only solid hit made by a Chief all game is by suspended running back Larry Johnson on one of the Buccanettes.

Texans 21 Vikings 7: Apparently Viking coach Brad Childress motivation technique of taking his players to the Alamo does sufficiently inspire the team. He thought it was a good idea, but he should have known that taking the team to a Houston Car Rental shop really wouldn’t do the trick.

Cardinals 35 Rams 32: Cardinals win on a late pass to Larry Fitzgerald that is intercepted by Anquan Boldin.

Packers 24 Titans 21: In a real show of class, Titan coach Jeff Fischer agrees to only use his starters for one quarter to make up for the fact that he played them three quarters when the two teams met in the last pre-season game.

Broncos 27 Dolphins 21: Dolphin quarterback Chad Pennington, refuting claims that he has no arm strength, injures his shoulder and overheats in pre-game warm ups while trying to throw his way out of a paper bag.

Giants 24 Cowboys 20: The Giants win in an emotional comeback when the IceBox decides to change out of her cheerleading uniform and line up on defense. The most heart wrenching play of the game occurs when little Brandon Jacobs runs for a touchdown just so he can see his dad in the endzone.

Falcons 24 Raiders 13: The Raiders are severely hindered in the game when they are forced to play without starting quarterback Jamarcus Russell is late for warm-ups told by the coaching staff to take a lap…unfortunately he loses count and misses the game.

Eagles 30 Seahawks 21: The Seahawks announce after the game that the reason for quarterback Matt Hasselback’s recent back problems stem from his trying to carry the team for the first 6 weeks of the year.

Patriots 23 Colts 14: During the game a chant of “Jim Sorgi” starts to rise in the Indianapolis stadium….but then Sorgi’s dad stops to take another drink of beer.

Steelers 23 Redskins 20: When Barack Obama hears that in every election year since 1936 the last Redskin home game has predicted the result of the presidential election (if the Redskins win the incumbent party win and if they lose the incumbent party loses), Obama suits up for the Steelers. Obama scores twice and comes sets up the game winning field goal with a long run. The Redskins later admit they made a crucial tactical error by not realizing that he would be running left.

As a bonus, I will now announce the winner of Tuesday’s elections…….me…no more campaign commercials.