The Slant
by japf on Aug.28, 2008, under Opinion
There are all types of fans
What Kind of Game-Day Fan are You?
It’s 11:45 on a Sunday morning and my house is preparing for the worst. The kids have all strategically asked to go to friends homes for the afternoon. They have even asked to be picked up by the friend’s parents…..just in case a traffic slow down forces them to be in the car with me at noon or (gasp) later. The wife has locked herself in the basement, she has all her game supplies with her…snacks, drinks, headphones, a tranquilizer gun….you know, the basics. The dog….well she usually disappears sometime around Friday night and doesn’t reappear till Tuesday evening. There was the one time she came back on a Monday…remember the Bear game last year…she does.
Yes, I’m, what I affectionately like to call, a “type- P Personality”. All week long, I’m a normal human being. I’m friendly, kind to animals and small children. I work hard. Sure there’s the occasional daydream…interrupted by sudden shouts of “throw the ball already you idiot” or “I can’t believe he missed that tackle”, but generally, during the week you couldn’t tell me from any other member of normal society.
But for 3 hours every weekend (or Monday night) of the Fall and Winter I take on a totally different personality…..yes, even during the bye week…but that’s another story. I pace; we recently put in new hard wood flooring, hopefully it will take longer to wear a path into that than the last 3 carpets. I scream; sometimes incoherently, sometimes angrily, sometimes joyously, but always loudly. I hide my eyes; because watching a play may make the results different than what I want. I’ve even been known to lock myself in the bathroom, cover my ears and sing Mr. Roboto for two minutes and then come back out to see what happened. It may sound silly, but I have still never seen 4th and 26, and am proud of it.
What is fan short for?
So the question is…are you also a type-P personality? If so, maybe I have just the thing for you, my new 4 step program.
Step 1: Lock yourself in a room with nothing but a TV and VCR and watch the 2007 NFC Championship game over and over again until you can sit calmly through the whole thing. I personally have not attempted this due to the fact that I destroyed my tape of that game seconds after the final Giant field goal crossed the goal post. The VCR and TV were destroyed shortly there after.
Step 2: Develop a simple, yet, relaxing mantra to repeat throughout the game, as you watch it. Something like; “It’s only a game…it’s only a game…it’s only one game…its only one game out of 16…it’s only an important game…it’s only the most important game today…it’s only everything….” Needless to say, I am working on a new mantra.
Step 3: Acupuncture. I don’t know if this will help at all, but I saw a special report about it during the Olympics and it looked really neat.
Step 4: Accept it…take pride in who and what you are. It’s good to be a fan, hey, fan is short for fandango (bet you thought I was going to say fanatic). If the way you show your love for the Packers is by being explosive and volatile…that’s just fine. Who needs to have neighbors that like you? The kids will get over it, with a little therapy. New furniture or windows aren’t that expensive. If it’s what you have to do to watch a game, then do it.
That’s my advice, I hope you take heed and it makes your life as a Packer fan that much better. If it does, could you do me a favor and forward me the number of a good divorce lawyer.
2 responses to “The Slant”
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Sweet. I feel much better about myself now. 🙂
I’d be embarrassed if I was the fan wearing the cheesehead in picture #2. Not only is the Packers “G” on his face backwards, but the numbers on his jersey are backwards. Even worse, it looks as if it is a Ahmad Carroll jersey!